New year, new you! For me it was more like new year, new flu. Hah! I've been wanting to post my thoughts on new year's resolutions and more specifically on why losing weight isn't on my list this year but I started off the year with the flu instead. {womp womp}
Thankfully, I'm feeling much better now and am ready to talk resolutions. For years and years losing weight has ALWAYS been not only a new year's resolution but a life struggle. I've been on the curvier side my whole life and my whole life I've felt less than perfect because of it.
A few years ago I stopped all of that nonsense. I stopped agonizing over every pound and dress size. I stopped letting the scale dictate how the rest of my day went. I stopped silently torturing myself with self hatred. I STARTED LOVING MYSELF. I started trying to make good choices and forgiving myself when I didn't. I started exercising because I enjoy exercising not because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to fit into a smaller pair of jeans. Don't get me wrong, that evil hater inside of me still rears her ugly head every now and then but I shut her up as quickly as I can and go on living my life.
I spent too long in a lonely place of self-hatred and self-pity and I am simply done living like that. There was even a time where we pushed off having children because I wasn't sure if I would be mentally capable to deal with gaining weight during pregnancy and the aftermath I thought it would cause. With prayer and personal growth I was able to finally see the "trees for the forest," and as you all know we have a beautiful baby girl to show for it. And guess what, I never felt more beautiful than when I was pregnant.
{Image by Lacy Dagerath}
Were there days I felt fat? Of course there were but that is all I allowed them to be days or moments in time and not seasons. Were there days after having Amelia that I was like, WTF? Again, yes, of course there were but there were also days that I looked at myself and said dang girl, you've been working hard and you look great! These days, I always let my inner hype girl win. She's way more fun than the hater any day. ;)
My reason to give up the "must lose weight mentality" was mostly selfish at first but was also for my husband who didn't know what person I would be depending on whether or not my clothes fit that morning. {I look back and can't believe how crazy I acted toward him sometimes over something so superficial. Thank you for loving me through it, sweet husband, and helping to teach me how beautiful I am inside and out.} Now my reason continues to be myself, my husband, my family, my friends and most importantly my daughter.
I want to teach her to love herself no matter what size jeans she wears. To make good choices for healthy living but that the world won't end if she messes up from time to time. And that her self-worth is not something found on the scale.
Holler if you hear me! So, tell me what you ARE NOT putting on your list this year. Tell me what you're embracing instead of agonizing over.
To my sweet girl,
You are so loved. You are loved by your creator, Christ Jesus, you are loved by your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. We love YOU. Not what size jeans you wear. We want you to be healthy and comfortable in your skin. We want you to love and take care of yourself. We will try to be good examples for you but when we fail forgive us and we will do the same for you. Forgive yourself, do your best and when you make a mistake forgive yourself and move on.
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